I’m 28 years old and I’m from the United Kingdom. I said the sinners’ prayer in 2005 with some other Christians and I’ve been going to church ever since. I got baptized in 2006. I was drinking very excessively before I started coming to church and I continued to live in this sin of drunkenness even when I was hearing the gospel at church and after I got baptized. When I got baptized I started getting this feeling something from my throat down to my chest every time I was doing something wrong or bad. I believe this was the Holy Spirit telling me to stop doing these things, especially when I was getting drunk. I was also living in a sin of lust and I’ve been holding bitterness in my heart (refusing to forgive others who have hurt me in the past) ever since I’ve been coming to church and reading the bible. However I carried on living in this sin of drunkenness (and the other sins) up until a year ago when I was reading a book called The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan. There was something in there about a man who had grieved the Holy Spirit and god had denied him repentance. This really scared me that night and started thinking to myself that maybe God has finished with me and I won’t be saved no matter what I say or do. I stopped drinking alcohol altogether after this point because I was so afraid that God had finished me and there was nothing left for me except a sever judgment. I keep thinking that now that I have stopped living in drunkenness it may be too late and God has closed the door on me. My conscience started to torment me and still does sometimes. Is it possible Jesus has sworn that he will never forgive me because of my hypocrisy in the past (like God did in 1 Samuel 3:14)?. Have I committed blasphemy of the Holy Spirit? Is it too late for me? Please reply back, I really don’t know where I stand with God.
I’m so glad that you wrote. I’m so glad that your heart is broken before God and that you have a deep concern about your soul and your eternal relationship with Jesus. It proves that you are able to repent before Jesus. The word, repent, is a translation from a Greek word. That Greek word means literally to have a new mind. We all must continue to renew our minds so that we can be transformed into the likeness of Christ.
There are many strange twistings of Scripture out there. God’s way is really simple. False doctrine, unscriptural doctrine, makes it complex. That is certainly true of many of the silly doctrines surrounding the sin against the Holy Spirit and sin after we are born again.
He is calling us from glory to glory to an ever closer relationship with Himself. Many Christians come to the point where they have no sense that there is any need to walk on with God. They no longer want to be closer to God. They even may try to distance themselves from God. They may want to continue to sin since they are saved and they are thinking that they are safe. They never consider that God has called them out of sin and into His own holiness. The sin against the Holy Spirit is the sin of not cooperating with the Holy Spirit. When that point is reached, even if there is no overt sin, the Holy Spirit can no longer lead the person. At any point, that person could repent and God would not reject him or her, but that person has so hardened himself or herself against the Holy Spirit that the Holy Spirit can have no effect. The Holy Spirit will not force Himself on anyone.
It is plain that you are not at that point. Some people get to that point, and they don’t see a reason to repent. Then, the Holy Spirit moves on them and they turn back to God. They realize that they need a closer walk. That is where you are. You are not self righteous and self satisfied. You are humble. That proves that God is with you. Real righteousness is by grace through faith.
Now, there is another point. I’m sure that while you were willingly sinning, you probably did damage to yourself and to others. Sometimes the damage done cannot be undone no matter how much you repent. I have seen marriages that ended in divorce where everything became so mixed up that there was no fixing it. You can’t unscramble eggs.
Remember Esau. He sold his birthright. There was no way that he could get it back. That is why there was no place for repentance. Yet, he reconciled to his brother. We don’t know whether or not he was right with God in the end, but he certainly had that option.
Now, there will certainly be forgiveness if there is repentance, but some things cannot be undone. One man was called to a responsibility in the Church, but he was not faithful to His wife. His office in the Church was lost and could not be restored.
In 1st Corinthians, Paul tells us that we all must be careful how we build. Some works will be burned up. The meaning is this: those works that are from humanity, sin, and pride will be burned that those who do those works will suffer loss. They themselves will be saved, but only as through fire.
It is possible to slide backwards by continuous sin, but you can turn around. God is in that business. There is no one yet who does no sin. Born again people do sin sometimes. The people who teach as if they did not sin are hypocrites. Willing sin is a problem because it causes us to have less of a relationship with Jesus. It becomes harder to be led. As a warning, I can say that it is possible to come to the point where you can’t hear God’s leading at all. From there, it is possible to walk right away from God. So, the best thing to do is to always obey God. Of course, it is humanly impossible for us to ever obey God. For this reason, you need to know about how to allow God to do His righteousness through you. It is by grace and though faith. Go here and follow the related links until you have a complete understanding of how God is working.
God bless you. Keep walking with God. Seek to find His highest will. Keep renewing your mind right up until the manifestation of the sons of God and the redemption of our bodies as mentioned in the book of Romans.